My Story
by
Carol Belli

I have a story to tell. I am a retired educator: teacher, principal, curriculum director, professional development consultant and author of a book on parenting. I am also a former inmate at York Correctional Institution (Connecticut’s only prison for women) where I spent 60 days in 2022. My stay at York was the result of a bizarre automobile accident followed by a bizarre court case complicated by the Covid 19 quarantine and subsequent court closings, the death of my defense attorney and a novice judge. But, my story is not about the accident or the court case. It is about the time I spent at York.

Because I had no previous record, when I arrived at York, I was placed in a special section called the Marilyn Baker Program named for a former counselor who was also a former inmate. Not surprisingly, this fact endeared her to me from the time I discovered it. The Marilyn Baker Program was widely known as the best place to be in the entire facility, sort of York’s equivalent to a Martha Stewart section. It was desirable primarily because there was more freedom there than in any other part of the prison. However, the Marilyn Baker Program was a substance abuse program. I had no substance abuse problem, but I did absolutely nothing to disabuse anyone of this misconception because I wanted to stay exactly where I was.

When I entered the program’s housing facility, I was confronted with a very large room about the size of a basketball court. In it were 70 bunks. All the inmates in the program slept together in this one large room. As I was being assigned a bunk, someone in the surrounding group of onlookers inspecting the new arrival tossed out a question asking how old I was. I automatically responded with the truth. For better or for worse, that is my nature. “Seventy-six,” I answered. There was a collective gasp after which someone exclaimed, “And they sent you here! You poor thing!” Instantly, the mattress on the bunk I was being assigned was pulled off and went flying down an aisle. A few moments later, another, thicker, presumably more comfortable mattress came up that same aisle and landed on my bunk. I was startled, to say the least, but more importantly, I was impressed with this act of kindness on their part because all the inmates in the program were much younger than I. The vast majority were in their 20’s, 30’s and 40’s, much younger than my 76 years. I was very touched by their thoughtfulness, and I did not even know until several weeks later that the act of switching mattresses was very much against the rules! Nevertheless, due to their spontaneous kindness, I began to call them my “babies” and addressed them using terms of endearment I previously had reserved for my grandchildren.

The Marilyn Baker Program consists primarily of classes and meetings. In my very first class, the counselor was discussing the importance of thought. She pointed out that our thoughts determine our beliefs, and our beliefs determine our behavior. This concept happened to be right up my alley. Although I was an educator, I originally majored in psychology as an undergraduate at Connecticut College in New London, Connecticut. I then spent a large portion of my career in education training teachers in higher level thinking skills. A great deal of my professional time was focused on the thinking process. Consequently, I started, almost inadvertently, reinforcing the counselor’s conceptualization during discussions in meetings. I stressed the power of positive thinking, the importance of ridding ourselves of negative thought and the great potential for positive affirmations, throwing in some good examples of them as well as some inspirational quotes. My favorite quote is always Henry Ford’s, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t . . .  you’re right.”  I have it engraved in stone on my desk. A close runner up I found scrawled on a mirror in quarantine when I first arrived at York. “Every saint has a past; every sinner has a future,” is from Oscar Wilde. The best positive affirmation I have yet to encounter comes from Émile Coué, a French psychologist who introduced the concept of what he called “optimistic autosuggestion.” He is responsible for the widely quoted affirmation, “Every day in every way, I am getting better and better.”

Something happened in those meetings that had never happened to me in a school classroom. Very often after a meeting, women came to me and thanked me for my comments. They said that the ideas I shared were helping them to view the future with less fear and plan for it with less trepidation. Some of them were beginning to use positive affirmations regularly. It is important to understand that many people in substance abuse programs are afraid of leaving institutions. They fear returning to an environment where alcohol and drugs are once again available to them. Our discussions encouraged the belief that changing their thoughts could change their minds and subsequently their lives.

My relationship with my fellow inmates evolved into one of great mutual affection. They began to treat me like a grandmother. When I walked into a room, one of them would invariably leap from her seat and insist I take it. Doors were held for me. I was helped into and out of vehicles (whether I needed it or not). Anything and everything was carried for me. When they found out that I craved fresh fruit (the reality of prison food is worse than all you have ever heard), I would wake up to find apples, oranges, and bananas on the tray at my bunk. How could I not love them? How could I not want to do something more for them when I had to leave them behind? Once the idea coalesced, I had some posters containing inspirational quotes and positive affirmations printed and donated to the Marilyn Baker Program. The positive response from the head counselor of the program has resulted in the formation of our nonprofit organization entitled Road Signs for Life. The function of this program is to donate posters containing inspirational quotes and positive affirmations for display in women’s prisons and juvenile detention and treatment centers.  These posters are accompanied by generic discussion questions that can be used by counselors and instructors at the targeted facilities.   Our mission is to provide encouragement and direction for residents in the targeted facilities, especially those in substance abuse programs.  These are particularly vulnerable members of our society who have frequently been deprived of the kind of emotional and psychological support reinforced by this program.  Our goal is to foster environments in which messages of encouragement and positive thought are perpetually on display in order to uplift and inspire those in need of such comfort and support.

There are people who believe everything happens for a reason. That just may be so.